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What it do, what it do, it's your boy Andre Sproul and you're tapped into middle of the fence podcast. Have you ever caught yourself looking back at an old relationship, an old job, your childhood, or just a different chapter of your life and thinking, man, things were better back then. But were they actually better? Or are we remembering the highlights and forgetting everything else that came with them? Today we're talking about nostalgia, why we romanticize the past, and the difference between missing a chapter of your life and missing the way that chapter made you feel. Because it's okay to appreciate where you've been. You just can't let it stop you from building where you're going. Let's get into it.

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So, as always, thank you for your time. Let's talk about something that almost all of us do, but we rarely stop and think about why. And that's looking backward, thinking about old memories, such as old relationships, old neighborhoods, old chapters of life, and convincing ourselves that things were somehow better back then, right? Because have you ever found yourself saying, I miss those days, or life was just so much simpler back then, or maybe I wish I could go back. Most of us have, and that's the reality. And honestly, there's nothing wrong with feeling nostalgic. The problem is when nostalgia starts rewriting reality because sometimes we aren't actually missing the past, we're missing the feeling the past gave us, and those are two very different things. So today I want to talk about why is it that we romanticize the past, why nostalgia can be so powerful, and why it's important to appreciate old chapters without staying fully stuck in them. So when it comes to the past, again, there's always an aspect of it that we romanticize the most about it. And for your boy, it definitely was the family gatherings during childhood. Uh, because for those that haven't tuned in to previous episodes or aren't really that familiar with my story, I grew up in a multi-generational household. So grandma and grandpa, me, my siblings, my mom, aunt, uncle, cousin, uh, typical type of household for Hispanic families or just immigrant families in general. And even though I primarily live with my mom's side of the family, uh, my dad and his parents, my nana and pop up, were also important figures as, you know, during my childhood. And whether it was holidays or birthday parties, you know, those were always the moments that I hold on to. You know, even though fast forward to today, to today's day and age and the relationships with each family member, you know, varies with how close and how far we are. Um, but the love is still genuinely there. And personally, that's that's what I miss most, where it's like, hey, because I'm a kid and just didn't know better, uh, I was always, it makes me even more grateful to be able to have those memories and to have most of my family gatherings there where both sets of grandparents were present, and my mom and dad and aunt and uncle, cousins, siblings, and all that in between. So again, this is it's important to not hold on to the past and uh nostalgia too much, but it's okay to reflect on the times that were good and you know, holding on to them but not letting them control you. One thing psychologists have found is that nostalgia does serve a purpose, it helps us maintain a sense of identity, it also helps us stay connected to meaningful experiences, and it often provides comfort during uncertain periods of life, which makes sense, especially in the times that we live in today with when it comes to uncertainty. But when life feels stressful, the past can feel safe. When the future feels unclear, the past can feel familiar. And when we're navigating change, the past can feel stable. But here's the catch memory isn't a perfect recording like this podcast, it's more like a highlight reel. Our brains naturally remember the emotionally significant moments when it comes to the past, from the celebrations, the friendships, the laughs, the milestones, but we often forget the stress, the uncertainty, the anxiety, the setbacks, the struggles we were dealing with at that time as well. Think about high school or college or an old job. Many people look back fondly on those periods, but if they had to relive every single day exactly as it happened, most of them probably wouldn't want to. Because what they're missing isn't the entire experience, they're missing specific moments, and I think one reason people romanticize the past so much is because the past feels complete. We already know how that chapter ended, we survived it, we understand it, we've made sense of it. But the future is different because the future is uncertain. The future asks us to trust ourselves and it also asks us to take risks and asks us to embrace the unknown. And honestly, that's uncomfortable, regardless of your experiences and where you're at in life. Which is why during the difficult seasons, many people start looking backwards, not because the past was perfect, but because certainty feels safer than uncertainty. And I think this happens with relationships too, because sometimes people don't actually miss the relationship. I'm not just talking romantic relationships, but they miss how they felt during that period of life. Sometimes people don't miss the old neighborhood, they just miss the sense of community. And people don't miss being younger and debatable, they miss having fewer responsibilities. And understanding that distinction can be incredibly freeing because it helps us recognize what we're actually longing for. So, what chapter do you find yourself revisiting most often when it comes to the past? And for me personally, I'm kind of embarrassed to say this, but keep it real and authentic on the middle of the fence here. Uh, I feel like a chapter that I always find myself revisiting is when it comes to love and romance, honestly, you know, because uh there's certain situations that have unfolded when it comes to that uh department, like it does for most people. But it feels like there's certain people or certain situations that I just tended to hold on to for much longer than I needed. And it wasn't because, oh, I was in a long-term relationship with this person, so it's hard for me to move on. It can be something like I literally was getting to know someone for three months, and it happened years ago. And, you know, there was times where I just couldn't stop thinking about them or anything like that, or you know, why certain things didn't work out when I really tried tried my best, or learning from the situations where I didn't really show up as the best version of myself and how I was acting wasn't aligned with my intentions, you know. So that's something that I feel like I was holding on to for the longest time, and probably was the reason why I, you know, I've always been single for a couple couple years now. But again, it's something that I don't regret personally because I'm a big believer and everything unfolds and happens how it's supposed to in life, but you know, definitely took a lot to work through that. So let me know what that is for you. And I think one of the healthiest things we can do is learn to appreciate the past without living in it still. Because every chapter of life serves its purpose. Some chapters teach us resilience, other chapters teach us gratitude. They can teach us confidence, some can even teach us what we never want to experience again. Let me know in the comments what you never want to go through again in your life. But every chapter contributes something, and if we're constantly looking backward, we risk missing what's happening right in front of us, which is why it's so important to value the present moment as much as you possibly can. Because one day, the season you're living in right now will also become a memory too, because one day you'll look back on this version of yourself at this stage of life, these challenges, these opportunities, and you may find yourself feeling nostalgic about that. So while it's okay to honor where you've been, what you've gone through, and all that, don't forget to invest in where you are. Don't forget to build where you're going because the goal isn't to relive the past, the goal is to learn and grow from it. And the question that I pose to my audience today is what's one chapter of your life that you find yourself revisiting most often? And do you miss the reality of that chapter or the feeling it gave you? Let me run that back. What's one chapter of your life that you find yourself revisiting most often? And do you miss that reality of that chapter or the feeling it gave you? Let me know in the comments, shoot us a message, or just take some time to reflect on that one. Thank you guys for tuning in to this episode. And be sure to subscribe, follow, like, comment, wherever you support the Middle of the Fence podcast, we can continue growing the Middle of the Fence family. And as always, no matter what side of the fence you grew up on, we're all more like than we think. My name is Andre Sproul. Catch you guys next time. Thank you so much for tuning into this episode. If this episode resonated with you, go ahead and follow the podcast so you stay tapped in and show some love with that five-star rating. It really goes a long way so we can continue reaching more people just like yourself. And if you want to see these conversations, pull up on YouTube and check out middle of the fence. Appreciate you for tuning in. Time is the most valuable thing we got.