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What it do, what it do? It's your boy Andre Spruel, and you're tapped into Middle of the Fence podcast. The people around us have more influence on our lives than we probably realize. They shape the conversations we have, the advice we receive, what we normalize, and sometimes even the person we eventually become. But as we grow, what happens when some of those relationships don't grow with us? In this episode, I'm talking about choosing the right people to have around you, outgrowing certain friendships, setting boundaries with family, and something we probably don't ask ourselves enough. Are we actually being the type of friend we expect other people to be? Let's get into it. What it do? What it do? It's your boy Andre Spruel, and you're tuning in to Middle of the Fence Podcast. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day. Whether you're listening, watching, or both, as I like to say, time is the most valuable thing on this earth because we can spend it, but can't make it back. So as always, thank you for your time. And for those that are tuning in to the video portion, uh, my hair is a little messed up, if you can't tell. It's been a long week. Social stuff, work, personal life matters. It's just been one of those kinds of weeks, but we're still pushing through, grateful for what we have, and uh still bringing you guys this content. So uh very, very excited to be bringing uh this episode. So let's get into it. There's a saying that you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with. And whether or not we should take that literally, I do think there's something worth thinking about there. Because the people we surround ourselves with have an influence on us. They influence the conversations we have, the things we normalize, the advice we receive, the way we think about our future. And sometimes even the way we think about ourselves. And lately, I've been thinking a lot about the people I have around me. Knowing somebody for 10 or 15 years doesn't automatically mean that person is supposed to play the same role in your life forever. And that's not a shot. And being related to somebody doesn't necessarily mean they should have unlimited access to you either. So today I want to ask a question that I think all of us eventually have to confront. Are the people around you helping you grow or keeping you stuck? I think when we talk about choosing the right people, we sometimes take it to an extreme. We hear things like, if they're not helping you make money, cut them off, bro. If they're not leveling up, leave them behind. If they don't understand your vision, they can't come with you. And frankly, I don't see eye to eye with that. Every friendship doesn't need to be a business relationship. Your friends don't need to have the same career goals as you, they don't need to make the same amount of money. They don't even necessarily need to have the same definition of success. But I do think the people closest to us should contribute something healthy to our lives. Maybe that's wisdom. Maybe it's encouragement. Maybe it's simply being the person who reminds you of who you are when life gets difficult. Because there's a big difference between somebody who accepts you for who you are and somebody who encourages you to remain exactly where you are. This topic resonates with me very, very hard. And especially as of late, because I'm a very social guy. So growing up, I've always had a lot of friends and different friend groups and things of that nature. But I don't know what it is. Like when you turn 30, like life really just puts things into a perspective that you otherwise didn't see before. And it's not, and this doesn't mean that this is my power hour to shit on friendships and glorify other ones or anything like that. It's just more so just recognizing that as life changes, relationships in your life change as well, whether it's family or friends. And the the friend groups that I have, I love them all, and you know, everyone, you know, whether it's like length of time or whatever the case may be. But I have a particular friendship that I want to uh shout out. I'm not sure if I'm gonna put this in the actual uh uh recording of name dropping, but my friends, uh Drake and AJ, uh, those are two of my best friends. And out of all the friends that I have and people that tune in and support the show, thank you so much and and keep doing so. It doesn't go unnoticed. Um those are the those are the two guys in my life that when I think about this topic, those are the first two that come to mind because not only are we sending each other Instagram reels and texting the three-way chat from time to time, but we're generally we're all at different stages in our in our lives. Like my friend AJ is married with two children. My friend Drake lives with his fiancee about to get married, and I'm the hot single friend. But all jokes aside, we all generally cheer for one another with the successes that we have and pushing each other to be better and encouraging one another to explore our talent and go as far with it as we possibly can, and generally sharing that vision of we're in this together and we are going to get to our destination. But along the way, being supportive, being loving, and enjoying the journey along the way. And it's really hard to generally find people like that, especially in a world like today that's so superficial and all about like the materialistic things, how many followers you have and all this other stuff. Like we're valuing stuff that doesn't matter for the most part in today's society. But when you have people that are locked in step by step that that share the same vision, that want to generally see you win and want to see you be the best version of yourself. When you have people like that in your life, don't take that for granted, whether it comes in the form of a friendship, a family member, or someone that generally wants to support you on your journey. And I think that leads into something that can be really difficult to admit. Sometimes we outgrow people, and I don't mean that in a cocky way, because outgrowing somebody doesn't mean I became successful and you're beneath me now. Sometimes two good people simply grow in different directions. Think about how many friendships started because of proximity. We went to the same school, played on the same team, worked at the same place, grew up in the same neighborhood, went out every weekend together, and at that stage of life, that was enough to create a friendship. But then life changes, priorities change, values change, responsibilities change. And eventually you might realize the main thing holding a relationship together is the fact that it's always existed. And that's uncomfortable. Because when there's no betrayal, no huge argument, and no obvious villain, we sometimes feel guilty admitting that a relationship just doesn't fit the same way anymore. But maybe every relationship isn't supposed to remain exactly the same forever. Maybe some people are supposed to be incredibly important parts of certain chapters without coming up in every chapter that follows. So when you prioritize, right, how you show up for yourself and how you show up for others, and generally wanting the best, not only for yourself, but for others, the thing that comes along with that, you become trustworthy. And when you become trustworthy, that's something to not take light, to not take lightly. Because trusting someone is hard enough, point blank period, regardless of the type of relationship that it is. And we can all see eye to eye on that for the most part, I would think. But when you are trustworthy, it means that you stand on your core values and who you are. You're someone that's seen as a role model, someone that people look up to, admire. And that doesn't mean that this is the time to stroke your ego or anything like that, but just more so taking the moment to recognize that hey, sometimes it can be hard to be the person that like everyone goes to or that everyone trusts to tell their deepest, darkest secrets to, and things of that nature. But again, that's that's something that is very important when you have meaningful relationships because when you want to have those meaningful relationships where you're pushing each other to grow and evolve and become the best version of yourself and of and for the others that are important in your life, being that trustworthy person can feel like a lot sometimes. It really can. But again, if you are someone that people can genuinely trust, don't take that for granted and keep doing your thing no matter how difficult it may be. But friendship isn't the only place where this gets complicated. If you know where I'm going with this, I'm talking about family next. And family comes with an with an entirely different level of expectation. We're taught that family is family. You show up, you forgive, you stay connected. And I believe there's tremendous value in family. It's one of my core values personally. But I've also started questioning the idea that being related to someone automatically gives them unlimited access to your life. Think about that. Because you can love somebody and still recognize that being around them constantly drains you. You can care about somebody while acknowledging that certain conversations aren't healthy for you. You can forgive somebody without returning the relationship to exactly what it used to be. And maybe boundaries aren't always about removing people. Sometimes they're simply about deciding how much of myself can I realistically give to this relationship without constantly taking away from myself. This is for people that I feel like are generally trying to find these types of relationships that I've been talking about in this episode. And the best way to start is just being conscious of, and even if you're not in that boat, this is just a friendly reminder. Being conscious of who you're giving your time and energy to. And I feel like that topic gets made fun of sometimes because it's like, I'm not gonna give that person my time and energy. I'm a spiritual person, I'm this, I'm that, da-da-da-da. But there is truth to that as far as really being mindful of who you of who you give your time and time and energy to. Now, I get it. Five days a week, 40 hours, you have to give your time and energy to the place that allows you to live and survive. I get that. But outside of that, who's getting your time and energy? Who are the people that are getting access to that? And not only that, outside of just people, where are you directing your time and energy towards? Are you directing it towards just lounging around trying to catch up on all the latest movies and TV shows hitting the streaming services? Or are you purposeful about where you're directing your time and energy? I'm not saying you have to be super David Goggins, like marine level, wake up at 4:30 a.m., hit a hit a 5 a.m. workout, and then run 15 miles and only eat egg whites and toast and protein shakes and be in bed by 7:30 p.m. and do it all over again. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's only for a select few, first and foremost. But in all seriousness, take your time, take the time to really sit back and think about that. Who are you directing your time and energy towards on a daily basis, on a weekly basis, maybe on a maybe even on a monthly basis? And if there's any places that you're directing that time and energy towards that doesn't align with who you are and with who you want to be in this lifetime, maybe it's time to reconsider and try to be better with that. But there's another side of this conversation that I think is even more important. So stay with me here because it's really easy to listen to this episode and immediately start evaluating everybody else. Yeah, that friend is holding me back, that family member drains me. I definitely outgrew that person. But what if somebody is listening to this right now and thinking about you? That's the uncomfortable part too. Because if I want friends who challenge me, am I willing to challenge my friends? If I want people who celebrate my success, do I genuinely celebrate theirs? If I expect people to show up when I'm struggling, do I show up when they need me? Can people trust me? Can they tell me something without worrying about everybody else finding out? Can I apologize? Can I accept criticism? Can I watch somebody I love become more successful than me without secretly resenting them? Maybe the question isn't only whether we have the right people around us. Maybe we also need to ask whether we are the right person to have around. I don't think building the right circle means surrounding yourself with people who can do something for you. And I definitely don't think it means cutting somebody off the second they stop serving your ambitions. Maybe it's much simpler than that. Maybe the best relationships are the ones where both people are better because the relationship exists. Where there's love but also accountability, there's loyalty, but there's also honesty. There's history, but there's still room for growth. So take a look at the people closest to you. Are they helping you become the person you're trying to become? And maybe more importantly, are you helping them become who they're trying to become? Because the people standing beside us have a tremendous influence on where we're headed. And sometimes before changing our destination, we need to take a closer look at who's making the journey with us. Thank you guys for tuning in to this episode. And if this episode resonated with you, please be sure to leave a comment. And if you're not already, make sure you're subscribed to us on YouTube. And if you're tapping into us on your favorite podcast streaming platform, that you follow and give us a five-star rating so we can continue growing this middle of the fence family. And as always, no matter which side of the fence you grew up on, we're all more light than we think. My name is Andre Spruel. Catch you guys next time. Oh, hey, you stuck it out to the end. Thanks for tuning in to this episode. And if you like this episode, please be sure that you're following us on your favorite podcast streaming platform. And if you haven't already, please give us a five-star rating so we can continue growing this middle of the fence family. And be sure to check us out on YouTube at AndreSprill and under the playlists podcast. You'll be able to see the full length episode over there. And check out some of the clips and follow us on Instagram at middle of the fence. And for all things related to this podcast, check out www.middle of the fence.com. Thanks again. And as always, no matter what side of the fence you grew up on, we're all more alike than we think.