SPEAKER_00 0:00

What it do, what it do? It's your boy Andrew Sproul and you're tapped into Middle of the Fence podcast. What happens when you spend years trying to fit into places that were never met for you? Today's guest knows that feeling better than most. After moving from Brazil to the United States at just 13 years old, Fab found himself navigating multiple identities, between cultures, between expectations, between faith and sexuality, and ultimately between who the world wanted him to be and who he truly was. Today he's the owner of the award-winning Fab and Jewel Salon in Montclair, New Jersey. But his greatest success may not be the business he's built. It's the authenticity he's fought to live with every day. In this conversation, we explore identity, belonging, respect versus acceptance, why community matters, the beauty of growing pains, and how sometimes the hardest journey you'll ever take is becoming yourself. Let's get into it. What it do, what it do? It's your boy Andre Spruel, and you're tuning in to Middle of the Fence Podcast. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day. Whether you're listening, watching, or both, as I like to say, time is the most valuable thing on this earth because we could spend it but can't make it back. So as always, thank you for your time. And for those that are tuning in, you can notice that the setup is a little different. It's because we have a very special guest today. Please welcome today's guest to middle of the fence, Fab. Thanks for joining, man. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

I'm very excited to be the first in the new set. This is really awesome. It's an honor, it's a true honor, actually.

SPEAKER_00 1:41

Yes, absolutely. Yeah. So just like Fab Fab said, he is the he is the very first guest to be in the new studio. So um it's it's only right that it's that it's you. You know, we've been in talks for for like for like a while. And uh we go way back because uh for those that don't know, you are a hairstylist, not just any hair hairstylist, a successful hair hairstylist, owner of Fab and Jewels in Montclair. Voted the best salon two years in a row in Montclair. Congrats, man.

SPEAKER_01 2:16

That is a big honor. Thank you. That's a big honor. Thank you. It was a really good honor, you know, to be honored that and to be awarded that award. It was it was nice. We worked hard and it paid off.

SPEAKER_00 2:25

Absolutely, absolutely. So if you're ready, man, we can delve into the story and the upbringing that you know, with what you had to go through and all that you navigated to help reach the successes that you have so far. So, ready to get into it? Let's do it. All right, all right. So, you actually grew up in Brazil and moved to this country when you were 13 years old. So, do you mind just briefly delving into what the upbringing was like in uh Brazil and then just the transition of the shock factor and and things of that nature when it came to moving to the US?

SPEAKER_01 3:02

No, yeah, absolutely. Living in Brazil at that time, 20 something years ago, it it was a different time. It was a different time there too. Um I come from a very humble beginning. My family, I grew up in a my family's a humble family. I grew up in an urban town, um, limited resources, um, dangerous, and very, I I I can safely say on the rougher side, you know, and at that time. And we had no it's almost like we don't have anywhere to go from there. You kind of stay there, you grow up there, you stay there, and then you just eventually die there. It's almost like a dead end place.

SPEAKER_00 3:46

It's like a cycle that just gets like repeated.

SPEAKER_01 3:49

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 3:51

Wow. And then uh as far as that urban urban upbringing, was that both in Brazil and the US? Or was there like a difference when they were?

SPEAKER_01 4:02

Yeah, it's but on a different level. You know, in Brazil, like I said, we were a very humble family, very modest. And then when my parents had the opportunity to take us out of Brazil and bring us here to give us a better opportunity, it was you know, it's it was something unimaginable. And when we get when we got to the States, we also lived in an urban area, and but it was very different. It's urban areas here are orderly, or some of them are order more orderly than others, of course, than it was in Brazil. There's actually rules, some rules that we had to follow. Uh, but it was urban nonetheless. So we were from a city into another city, it was uh a transition.

SPEAKER_00 4:45

I'm sure it was, but we made it, and that's all you can do at the end of the day is just make it and just like try your best. So, I mean, how was it like just coming here as a teenager, like not knowing the language? And I feel like because we spoke about it prior, how when you come to when you just move to like a different country, if you're like a young kid, like five, six years old, you're still young enough to like adapt to like the culture, like the language and all that. But when you come here as like a teenager or at an or at an you know age that's higher than that, it can be a lot more difficult. So, do you mind like delving into like what it was like making that transition teenage years into uh grown-up life? Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 5:30

I mean, getting here, you know, my parents decided that it would be best for us, it would be easier for us to be acclimated if we became Americanized as soon as possible. So we kind of left our Brazilian Brazilian traditions and culture behind, and then we adopted all of the American ones. And shortly after that, you know, we we went straight to school, we learned English, and then we became Americanized, if you will. It was a conflict because we were still we there was something that we knew, and then versus what we had to become or had become, we were kind of lost in the middle as kids. Well, me as a teenager, I had no choice but to kind of bounce back and forth, back and forth until I actually found my way. And you know, like you said, we've talked about it before. Having that, being a teenager going through that, your mind is is all you're always uncertain because you never really know where you're gonna fit in, you know. And I and I've said it to you before, it came to a point in my in my life where I obviously wasn't American, but I also now was not Brazilian enough. So I really was in the middle trying to navigate that.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

And that's an interesting uh perspective because I've spoken about like, oh yeah, it's like like for me, it was the race side of things, like not being black enough for the black kids, not being white enough for like the white kids, and then like just culturally, just how different it was. But I never really thought about it from that perspective where like it reaches like that point where like you make that transition and it's like yeah, it's like I'm too much or too little for one side or like or like the other, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 7:07

So yeah, you just you really don't fit in because you're neither one nor the other. So you're constantly trying to battle what like where do I go, where do I fit in, where where am I gonna build start building something?

SPEAKER_00 7:20

But do you feel like the strength of that is like it forces you to be on your own, let's say, and kind of like forge like your own path? Because I mean, you always find like-minded people along the way, obviously, but when I feel like when you're truly caught in the middle of two or more worlds, it kind of forces you to just grow up and just say, like, fuck it, like I gotta find a way and just create like my own path. So, do you think that that was probably the biggest catalyst for it?

SPEAKER_01 7:51

For sure. I you you've created your own, you know, since you don't belong anywhere, create your own. And in growing up with that, you start finding people that are like-minded, that have been through something similar, and you start building your chosen family in your circle of friends. So it's almost like a group of misfits that now, you know, were a fit for each other. So I can honestly say that that was my relationship with a group of friends that I've built. We all had a similar background or come from a similar situation. And we were like, well, at least we have each other. It's something, somebody that I can relate to. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 8:28

Yeah, and it's and it's important. And you can find the people that have the similar values and come from different, like, even if they come from different walks of life. It's like like I have I have friends that grew up in many different ways, you know, whether it was like an affluent acres or a tough terrain or in the middle, like how your boy was, you know, like it's just like, but the core values are the same. And like I feel like again, when you are navigating through like that like authenticity like wave, and that's that's how you find your people as well, because you just hold those same values regardless of where you come from.

SPEAKER_01 9:07

For sure. And I love that you said, you know, finding your authenticity or becoming an authentic person, you don't really know what that is, so it comes to a point where you do say fuck it, and I just this is who I am, and I have to embrace it, and then people just gravitate towards you because of your now found authenticity, and you're now taking a stance, and definitely.

SPEAKER_00 9:28

Would you say that like because for me personally, finding my authenticity was like it took a while, you know? Like I'm 30 now, so I'm well aware that I have more than half my life to live, god god willing, you know. But finding my voice and that authenticity really started in like my late 20s, and uh and this podcast has helped out a lot. So thanks for everyone that's tuning in. I want to mention that at this time. Uh so for you, like when it comes to like when it came to like finding your authenticity and things of that nature, uh, is there like a moment that like stands out for you, or was it just more so like it kind of just happened as you progressed through life?

SPEAKER_01 10:10

I want to say I started finding that voice around 18, 17, 18, you know, I was also more comfortable with my sexuality and you know, coming from a religious family, I was really finding my ground, finding my footing. So around that time, that's when I decided that you know I needed to be authentically me. And the people who were for me were going to find me. So, but I feel but you know, but I feel that we're constantly adjusting that, we're constantly finding that authenticity because we're constantly in need to fit in in scenario in different scenarios in different occasions of our lives in different situations, and just how fast life moves, and life is moving at a much quicker rate than like just trying to keep up, you're just like, Yeah, I'm just I'm just I'm just trying my best out here to like keep up with this, and then by the time you do keep up with it, it's time to change again, it's time to do something. So you never really catch up, you can just keep it moving every single time.

SPEAKER_00 11:07

That's it, that's it. Yeah, and uh you touched on the fact that uh coming out was uh was one of the ways that you were able to find your authenticity. And uh one of the things that stood out from our previous conversations was you didn't know what struggle to pick, so you picked like a little everything.

SPEAKER_01 11:25

When I was going through the struggle line, I couldn't pick one, so you took all of the struggles, you know, in being, you know, Latino and but not fitting in with the Latino community, but not being light-skinned enough to be white, and not being brown enough to be part of that community. And then I was now gay and I come from a religious family. You know, my stepfather's a pastor, I grew up in a church, and then there's the religious aspect of it, and you're constantly suppressing yourself to please others or to look like you are somebody else. So by the time you come, and it's exhausting, and that generates a lot of anxiety, that creates a lot of insecurity. And around 17, 18, that's when I decided to just I have to be me.

SPEAKER_00 12:09

It wasn't easy, it was kind of like sure, especially when you come from a family that's very religious, you know, especially like like South American, we're religious family war.

SPEAKER_01 12:19

For sure. For sure. And it it wasn't it wasn't really coming out of the closet, it's it was kind of like putting a toe outside of the closet, feeling that water, what it was like, and then the whole foot came out, and then the whole A came out, and little by little, I was, you know, I was authentically me, and I was living in my truth and in my life, and I was finding my way. Made a lot of mistakes during, as you should as a young man. Absolutely. But you know, I I do have to say I don't have many regrets. I was able, I was fortunate enough to really live and feel authentically me at that time.

SPEAKER_00 12:55

And I'm really happy to hear that because whenever I talk about like my show and you know, navigating two or more worlds, like the main categories are usually, you know, uh culture, uh, race, religion, sexual orientation. And was there like were you just scared of like losing the important relationships in your life with that? Because I feel like obviously, like um my brother also came out or actually around like that same age too, yeah, and um had him on the show, of course. Obviously, I think I remember when your brother came out. I was I was already doing the famous hair at that time, yeah. So I mean, I like I was able to get a firsthand perspective on it, and again, it's something that I personally won't ever have to go through, but like seeing that firsthand and how much stress and anxiety it causes, you know, and just finally being able to come out and then live your in your authentic, truest form. Like, I feel like it's so important to do that, but it's I feel like it's a a little easier to make that jump if you have that love and support behind you, because obviously, like not everyone is going to see eye to eye with it or understand it. So um, was it something that like your family and people close to you eventually like came around to accept you for who you are, or was it something that like they just like debted all you know all talks?

SPEAKER_01 14:27

I I I love this side of the conversation because during during that time we found mutual respect. And I was never a fan of the word acceptance, you know, because when you have to accept something or when you're in the position where you can accept something, it puts you in a higher position, in a position of power, which you get to deem what's acceptable or not. And I have said to my parents before, I don't need to be accepted, I just need to be respected. And we found respect, and you know, they respect me, and I respect them. And it it took some work, but we got there.

SPEAKER_00 15:09

Yeah, and and I like the way that you put it being uh respected. That's what's that's what's most important because that that translates across the board, like when it like when it comes to that, because there can be even if you don't see eye to eye with someone, like having that respect. Like I actually did a episode like not that long ago about the importance of being respected more than being liked. Because uh again, that was something that growing up for me, I was I was such a people pleaser man. Like I was like, and a lot of people can like, yeah, exactly. And a lot of people can uh relate to that, but it was like okay, but when you you know dip your toe to start hit that respect line, it's like all right, I'm gonna be seen as the bad guy in certain like situations or like or just relationships or things like in general, but as long as I know that I can stand in my truth with it, then that's that's what's most important.

SPEAKER_01 16:03

Yeah. The whole crave for acceptance is such a dark space for anybody, whether you're a child or teenager or an adult, you're always seeking for that acceptance, and then we become performative, you know. And everything that we do is to please others and to kind of uh gain that recognition and be like, well, how about now? Do you like me now? Am I acceptable now? Am I enough now? And then you just start performing, performing, performing, and then you lose who you are.

SPEAKER_00 16:31

I literally couldn't put it better. Like I literally can't put it better. And I'm curious to hear like your thoughts on this for the acceptance portion of things. Do you think more people in today's day and age are leaning towards that way of wanting to be more accepted than in previous years or generations because of you know things like growth in like technology and people, you know, feeling like they're more lonelier than ever. Like what are like what would you like to do?

SPEAKER_01 17:06

Well, I mean, this could get very controversial if we're gonna talk about you know, people seeking acceptance, because I do think so. I think that that people now we're we're looking for acceptance. We're looking for you to accept us for who we are, when that's never that's not up for discussion. That's not really a debate. You know, the debate should be this is who I am, how can we find middle ground so that we can respect each other? And sometimes I see two groups, and and I'm not only talking about the sexuality aspect of it, a religion, uh race. Two people are fighting over something and they're being very uh passionate about their side of the story or their side of what they believe in. And there's such a beautiful middle ground right there, super visible for everybody that's on the outside, but they can't because they want to be accepted. And in order for me to accept it, I have to force you to like me so that you can accept me. You know, as opposed to me just saying, like, listen, let's agree to disagree. I respect you, you respect me, you live your life, I live my life. We can probably even build something great together. But since I'm looking for acceptance and you are looking for acceptance, we're always gonna shove that down each other's throats so that we can be accepted.

SPEAKER_00 18:15

And people just taking too much shit personally. Oh, yeah. Like, and that's and that's and that's like if there's a lesson that we can just like tell tell people don't take too many things personally. Oh, yeah. Like, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 18:27

Because it's just like everything is not about you, and it's not a personal attack on you or your character or you know what I mean? If I have an opinion about something, you know, if I like black and you'll like colors, if I say I don't like colors, I'm not attacking you, I'm not calling your mother a name, which I love your mother. Uh to your mom, like it's not a personal attack. I think because we are so guarded and we're so heavy, uh heavily looking for acceptance, anything is a personal attack to our character, to who we are, to what we have, and it's really not that deep.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

Yeah, and we're just we're really like you know, taking a crap like on certain things, but it's just also too I'm like, I don't know if it's because like people are saying, like, this generation's soft and da-da-da-da. But I think, I mean, you know, you know, I definitely see I can definitely see the difference because I personally feel that since I was born in '96, I was like the last. I was like, yeah, I literally was on like the cusp of like the old school, and then like the transition of how everything is into like today. So there's definitely a difference. I mean, you can't act like there's not, even down to things like participation trophies, like there's no like first, second, thirds, like everybody, every everybody's a winner. That's not how life goes. That's not even how life goes.

SPEAKER_01 19:50

That's not even a real thing, you know. Um, I don't know if I told you this, but I also teach at a cosmetology school. And I um tell my students all the time that hairstylists that put on a show, it's to overcompensate for how mediocre their work really is. So I said, so yes, you can't charge more money because your work is not that. So in order for you to feel like you're worth a little bit more money, you have to put on a bigger show and you have to act a fool. And that kind of loses the essence of our industry. But I think that that's all the way around. That that would apply to anything and everything. You know, you don't get a participation trophy for a show-up. There are certain things in our lives that is a requirement that you are, this is something that you have to do. You have to show up for yourself. You're not showing up for me, you're showing up for yourself. So, and if you didn't do well, why should I reward you for you not doing well? What lesson is there for you to for you to take? What lesson is there to be learned? I'm not saying that I'm going to beat you down either and say that you're not enough, they're not good enough. That's not the case. It's how can we prep you so that you can be better the next time?

SPEAKER_00 20:52

That's it right there. Isn't it not the truth? Absolutely. And you just see that across like social media as well, where it's like the people that are like the loudest or have like the most to say, and it's just like you know, it doesn't mean that they're right or you know, even aren't able to speak about certain things at a high level, you know. But it's just like that's what that's what gets that's what seems to get rewarded.

SPEAKER_01 21:21

But and it's funny that you that you touched on that because I always say that there's a very big difference between fame and success. You could be famous, but that doesn't necessarily correlate to you being successful, uh, which then makes you infamous, you know. And some people are chasing the slout, they're changing, they're chasing this thing that doesn't exist, and they they don't understand why their lives is not as successful as the other person, but they also don't realize that that person is not successful at all. Everything is a smoky mirror, it's a facade. We don't really know what's true or not these days.

SPEAKER_00 21:53

Absolutely. It's and it's it's it's very hard to tell these days, absolutely. And uh speaking of Of the hairstyling industry. Because you touched on it with your with your students and all that. So, what made you decide that that's the route that you wanted to take?

SPEAKER_01 22:11

I was always passionate about education. I think that education in this particular career is something that you never stop doing. So, from the moment that you start your cosmetology journey and then you become licensed, you're you will forever be educated. You will forever attend education seminars and things like that. Because you things change and you got to stay current. At some point, I became even more passionate about education because I saw the divide. I saw that our industry was being diluted because of the separation in race, the separation of sexuality, the separation in status. And we are stronger together. The industry is stronger together. So when everything is so watered down and so diluted, we can't really build something. We have no quality control. And that me noticing that propelled me to jump into education much faster, much sooner. Because I really wanted to kind of bring that to light to the newer generation of hairstylists. That listen, we are stronger together. Let's we can build something together. We belong to something bigger than ourselves. We belong to an industry, and the industry has lost respect throughout these years. Hairdressers are not celebrities anymore, hairdressers are not uh millionaires anymore. Today there was a statistic that said that I think it was 85% of the salons in the United States are unprofitable. And the other 15% was breaking even, which means that hairdressers have two jobs. If you don't if you don't have a two house uh two income household, you are working a second or possibly third job. Okay. So how can we change that? It's just by regrouping, restructuring, really taking our education seriously, and going on from there. But that needed to be brought to light for sure.

SPEAKER_00 24:07

Yeah, and like what one of the things that stood out to me when you were talking in regard to that was the fact of coming together. Yeah. Because that translates throughout. Through everything. And you know, and that's and that's and that's part of it where like we're as a as a as a society, it's like we're in like individualistic. It's like, you know, we pride ourselves on like I'm gonna find my own way and let my ego drive me to that. But we can't do anything without the help of other people. Wherever you're at in life, you've had people that helped you along the way. And there wouldn't be, I personally think there wouldn't be billions of people on earth if we were able to just be on our own and not need that oh yeah, and not need that support.

SPEAKER_01 24:55

We are not, we are actually we are wired for connection. You know, if you feel then if you feel that you are, you know, a loner or if you work better on an interpersonal way, something went wrong, or there's something there that needs to be worked on because biologically we are wired for connection, we're wired to be in the company of somebody else, we're wired to build things together. We've developed this individualism or this individualistic mentality throughout the years because things became easier, so I can do it on my own, easier, quote unquote. But you know, I can do it on my own, I don't need you for anything, and that kind of destroyed everything. It destroyed industry, is it industries, it destroyed families, it destroyed cultures. It we're we can't be uh a culture alone, we can't be uh an industry alone, we can't be anything alone. We need the help of other people, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 25:51

Yeah, and one example that sticks out with me was uh when I was a junior in college, and you know, just like how you mentioned earlier, when you're a young man navigating your early years, you're gonna, you know, do some things along the way. It's part of life, you know what I mean? Um, but but that's not the case with this story. But I remember I was in like the student union building, which is basically like the center hub of like, you know, where you got like your lunch, like bookstore stuff, like a whole bunch of bunch of stuff. And I was by myself eating eating lunch um right before I was gonna go to class. And one of the uh there was a foreign exchange kid from Spain, uh, who was who was there for all of my junior year. And he sat down with me and we were catching up, and and he's like, I don't get it why you guys do everything by yourselves. Like he's like, in Spain, like you will you won't ever find anyone on their own. It's like everything we do, it goes together. And then, you know, again, I'm half Argentinian, so when I've been lucky enough to go to Argentina, and it was like this, and it was the same thing. It's like everybody finds a reason to get together and be in groups, and for some reason, we just we just don't do that here.

SPEAKER_01 27:09

And I don't understand why. And I can say that in Brazil is the same thing, you know, everything is it's we do everything together, we're stronger together. It involves some kind of food, you know, if you're South American. And exactly. Now let me ask you this. So think about it. If you think that you can be successful all by yourself and on your own and by yourself and be alone, who's gonna be there to measure your success? And people say, like, oh, we I don't need validation. Well, if you don't need validation, who's going to say that, oh no, this is good, this is a successful thing. You need to be validated by somebody. We don't we can't say that, you know, oh, uh seeking validation is a bad thing. There's certain things that it's not bad. You you being validated and saying that no, this is a successful thing, this is what we should do, this is what we should aspire to be, is not a negative thing for you to say, you know, yes, we're all seeking validation at all times.

SPEAKER_00 28:00

Absolutely. And that's why, like, I feel like a great thing that to like remember for anyone that is on a you know journey that hey, I'm I'm trying to reach this goal, and it's gonna take me a certain amount of time to get there, to say the least. And I feel like what what happens with a lot of people is like they start here, they reach their end goal, and then they look back and forgot about the journey, yeah. Along the way. And then it's like, yeah, I'm successful, I've hit all my goals, I reached the mountaintop, but there's no joy.

SPEAKER_01 28:34

There's no joy, there's no joy in the still miserable, yeah. There's no sometimes it's the journey, not the you know, the destination. The journey makes you who you are, and when you get there, you'll realize all of the things that you have to go through to be where you are, and that's what makes it a joyful experience. And you want to share that with somebody. There you go. Look how great I was. Yeah, it doesn't work that way.

SPEAKER_00 29:02

So switch gears a little bit. Sure. Um two pieces of life advice. So one is have your own back at all times. And second, when unsure in what to do, do nothing. You mind uh sharing your insight on both of those uh please.

SPEAKER_01 29:24

You know, when I say like for you to have your own back, and I'm not saying be alone, be by yourself. I'm saying stand true in who you are, uh to you know, ten toes down in your authenticity, be you and who's for you and what's for you will come your way. You also have to put some work into it, but that's what I mean by saying have your own back. And as far as um, what was the other that I said? When unsure what to do, do nothing. That's where the big mistakes happen, you know, when you can't see clearly what you're working towards or what the it with the end result is going to be. So when you are unsure if you should buy it or should not buy it, don't do anything, think about it. If you should go and if you shouldn't go, don't do anything, think about it. If you should, you know, tell that person how you feel, break up with a with a person and whatever. If you don't know, don't do anything until you know what to do.

SPEAKER_00 30:20

I love that. Both both both pieces of advice, honestly. Because like the first one, it you know, just like having your own back is I feel like it also ties into like, you know, if you're trying to pour into other people's cup, you gotta make sure that your cup is filled with.

SPEAKER_01 30:36

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 30:36

Because it's just like you have to, and even with the important relationships in your life, you know, uh family, friends, like significant other, it's like you have to make yourself a priority, and not to the point where you're pushing people away, but you have to make sure that you're good first. Because if not, then how can you truly be in a position to be there for others and help others out? And then another aspect of it is like, you know, yeah, it's important to have your own back, but when the times when it gets a little difficult to do that, you know, I mean, it's important to have the have the people close to you to really help with that.

SPEAKER_01 31:15

But don't they say that you know, if there's an emergency in a plane, you put your own oxygen mask first before you help somebody else? Exactly. That's a that's a yeah, you can't help other people when you can't breathe. So, you know, I'll be helpful to you as soon as I can catch my breath.

SPEAKER_00 31:29

Yeah. And the second point of when unsure and what to do, do do nothing, that is so important because like I forgot where I heard it from. I think I heard it from like another podcast that I've that I've listened to. Uh it was called the the Mindset Mentor Podcast with Rob Dial. And he talked about how when it comes to making like uh decisions about certain things, like there's like a first wave of reaction from like your brain, that like instant reaction, like right away. But then if you take that extra couple of seconds, then that second wave of like logic comes in to like weigh in. So that's that's important because I feel like in today's, well not feel like in today's day and age, everything is so fast paced, instant. You want food, you it's at your doorstep, you want groceries, it's at your doorstep. You need something from Amazon, it'll be there next day. Next day, sometimes even like less than a day, sometimes yeah, like same day delivery, yeah, same day delivery, which is like nuts. But I think that it really is vital to just take your time and you know, really process things because now certain things it's like, hey, we need a decision like right now, so you you know, you don't have time to process it. But um is there is that something that like is that like a skill that was just like like uh developed, or is that something that like you know No, I have to work hard on it, and you know why?

SPEAKER_01 33:03

Because people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel. So when you don't know what to do, do nothing because the outcome of that could be tragic, a lot worse than you intended it to be. And you can't take that back if you're dealing with relationships or even if you're if it's a work uh situation or what a friendship, whatever it is, if you don't know what to do, you can cause irreparable damage. So if you don't know what to do, take a second to yourself, regroup, but meanwhile, do nothing.

SPEAKER_00 33:43

Yeah, and that's why like they say that like that that the tongue is the most powerful most dangerous, yeah, it is because you always remember those times when people were there and like supportive, but on the flip side, you you know, even if it's someone that you're like removed from, if there's one thing that they said, especially like a parent or something like that, that was very negative or mean, you tend to hold on to that a lot more, and that's why, yeah, just like you said, it's important to really take the time and be careful with what you say, and and really because sometimes you get caught up in the moment, you know what I mean? The moment is your worst enemy. The moment is the moment is there to get you, and that's when things can really, you know, pop off for sure, for sure, for sure. And um, so when it comes to your journey, uh you described it as disenchanting.

SPEAKER_01 34:42

Yeah, you know, I curious and I and I use the word disenchantment uh carefully because I think that sometimes we have this uh this this wonderful view, and we have this, you know, rose colored glasses on, and we think that everything should be magical, and it really isn't, you know, and sometimes living in that type of ignorance doesn't allow you to enjoy certain things too. Like the growing pains is not a bad thing. I always say that sometimes a broken heart is not necessarily a bad thing. People say, Oh, how can you how can you cherish that? Wouldn't you want to look back at something and feel like that what you've lived was real? You know, that pain, that pain part makes reminds you that what you felt was real, what we had with somebody was real. So you can't live in this world of enchantment all the time. You're gonna miss out on a lot of life lessons, you're gonna miss out on a lot of wonderful things, and grow, you know, getting to where you're going to be, the journey is is not pretty. No, it's never pretty, no, or most, it's not often pretty, I should say. I don't want to be fair.

SPEAKER_00 35:55

Oh god, no, it wasn't pretty.

SPEAKER_01 35:57

No, it wasn't pretty. But I feel that when you are walking towards something, I I I can honestly say to me, it was it was just disenchanting. I was like, Well, this is not a fairy tale, this is not a walk in the park, this is my real life.

SPEAKER_00 36:12

And you know, newsflash, everybody. Uh, your life is not a Disney movie or just a movie like in general. No, and like uh I actually took a I actually took like a uh art of film class, and honestly, guys, I shouldn't even be talking about movies because I'm so bad at naming actors and actresses, like my family, and like they make fun of me so much about it. Like you like, I can have a picture of like the most famous actor or actress that like everyone knows, and I'm like, uh I'm not sure. But when it comes to athletes, it's like I can name them like off rip, but I say that to say because there's movies where like here we fantasize the, you know, like just like you said, you know, like the like the rose-colored lenses, viewing it from that perspective, and just like you know, cloud nine, yeah, all that. But then like when you see movies from other countries, they get straight to the point, they show the shit. There's no happening, yeah. And then you didn't get there, you know, it was it was like, wow, that was not but you know, like all jokes aside though, uh, when it comes to like those like growing pains and all that, and just a reminder that, like, yeah, you know, life isn't always pretty, but what comes from that can be beautiful and and it's and it's real. And I feel like for me personally, growing up, uh like my mid-20s was was really a lot of like soul searching, and I call it the lonely chapter, you know, to like the point where like in like a four-year stretch, I went like two of those years without dating, seeing anyone, no like nothing, just like focusing on myself, and even to the point where it was like I was still around my family and friends, but not as much as like I am now and like have been over the last like couple of years. But um, I feel like it's important to go through that growth chapter, and it looks different for everybody. I went to the extremist way possible, like monk mode, like you know, like phone on DD, like I'm fine in like my way. But uh, why do you think people struggle with embracing the you know that growth phase or the difficult chapters that life may throw at them?

SPEAKER_01 38:30

Because they're worried about what it should look like to others. You know, I think that we struggle embracing that, we struggle uh enduring that because through my journey, not only my journey is rough, but I'm worried about my journey being appealing to you or looking good to you. And that's why I said that that's part of the disenchantment, that you have to be, you have to be real. This is what it is. No, this is my journey, this is what it is. And on the contrary, I believe that that rawness draws people to you as opposed to you saying, like, oh, life was rough, but I made it. Look at my journey, it was great. People are like, Oh wow, that's great, but that didn't bring anybody closer to you, and you didn't enjoy that that moment of your personal growth or or that personal like search.

SPEAKER_00 39:16

Yeah, and it's uh and it goes back to all the stuff that we were talking about earlier, you know what I mean? Yeah, and I mean, I feel like Instagram is like the number one culprit with that, where like you know, you can see someone that seems like they're living life lavishly and all this, but you know, if you actually met them, it's like that's not really the case, you know.

SPEAKER_01 39:41

Listen, I talk about this all the time, even at school, when sometimes you see, you know, what you see on the other end, you see a picture of a happy couple. You don't know how many fights it took for them to get that picture, or you know, who was rude to who. Right. All you see is that you know it's a happy, they're a happy couple, or they're they've acquired something, or but you don't see the getting there. Exactly. So therefore you have a false sense of reality, exactly. And you think that it should just be easy, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 40:12

So uh for a fun fact about you, you said you mentioned you you don't eat anything green. Yes, I don't see what do you mean by that? Are we are we talking like vegetables or like the color green? Like what's like what's I don't know, what's going on with that?

SPEAKER_01 40:29

Eat anything of the color green, but uh that that's not entirely true. Okay, I will eat like the green MMs or the green Skittles. I actually like green Skittles. That's as far as green that I will eat. Aside from that, I don't need anything else green.

SPEAKER_00 40:43

What what uh so what contributed to that, dude?

SPEAKER_01 40:46

I don't know. I I I'm not a salad person, I never was. I don't I wasn't even a skin salad, I know, and you know, and if you tell me like, oh, I I'm craving a salad, that's not a real thing. Nobody craves a salad. You know, I feel usually like guests when they like you know, like you make me feel seen and heard fat, you make me feel seen and heard like people are like, oh, you know, I'm craving a salad, nobody craves a salad, nobody's craving a salad, that's not a real thing. We crave a burger, we crave chocolate, we crave, you know, we don't crave leaves and you know, and think about it, your salad is probably more unhealthy than a McDonald's meal or any fast food meal because you're gonna get your yes, I want my my greens, but then you put all that dressing and you put the bread and then you put the cheese and then you put all of those things, and now you have a 12,000 calorie salad when you could have just had a slice of pizza. So, yeah, no, but to go back to me not eating anything green, I never really liked uh vegetables and I never really liked salad. So the green factor, like the greens, never really was appealing to me.

SPEAKER_00 41:58

Yeah, it it took me a long time to get around to eating greens and vegetables and all this stuff, because I, you know, I was just a meat and potatoes kind of kind of guy. Nothing wrong with that. I'm good, you know what I mean? But it's like uh I remember just just just for etiquette purposes, it's like, oh well, what if we're out on like a on like a date and like they bring salad out to the table? I'm like, I can choose not to eat the salad, it's gonna stay on the plate. Like, if I'm at a wedding and the salad comes out, I'll maybe like pig at it just just just cuz, but most of the time I'm not even gonna like touch it. Like, I like I literally go to whoever is at my table. I'm like, anybody want my salad?

SPEAKER_01 42:38

Anybody want my salad salad? Like, if it has like cherry tomatoes, I'll eat those because I'll just dip them in the dressing like that. But aside from the salad, you know that there's something, some good protein or some good carb carbs coming out. Why are you gonna eat the leaves? Just leave the leaves alone.

SPEAKER_00 42:52

Exactly. So uh as we begin to uh wrap things up here, uh what what's one piece of advice? Uh, if you feel free to give more than one, you obviously can. Uh, but what's the biggest piece of advice that you would give uh to anyone that's tuning in to this to this episode, regardless of uh age and birth and anything?

SPEAKER_01 43:20

The first advice would be continue watching it, continue listening to it. He's onto something here. He's made some really interesting uh comments, and you've had some great episodes. I think that he brings awareness to the differences in between people, but in a way where we are more alike than you think, kind of awareness. So, from the moment that you've you've started this podcast, I actually remember speaking to your mom about it, and you even your sister, and I was like, you know what? It's there, there's nothing like what he's doing out there. He's gonna bring awareness to something that people just dismiss because it's subconscious, that difference is subconscious, and we don't really address it. But it will allow people to also realize that we are much closer, that we have much more in common than you think we do. So piece of advice number one, continue watching, continue listening, continue tuning in. You know, you you are onto something, and I'm and I'm really happy and proud of you for starting this and doing this. Another piece of advice would be stay authentically, you um I just speak back to what I said before. You are who you are, what's for you will come your way, who's for you will come your way, and you will find your chosen family, you will find your tribe, and make sure that you have enough room in your life to belong to something bigger than yourself. So that would be you know the major advice. We should belong to something bigger than ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 44:57

Great, man. And uh, for anyone that wants to keep up with your journey and what you got going on, this is your time to shout out your socials and business and all that.

SPEAKER_01 45:08

Oh, the floor is all yours, man. Go ahead. Thank you. So feel free to follow my um my hair salon page is Fabian Jules on Instagram. My personal page is Fabricia Warner Hair. I'll probably have Andre tag it somewhere. Yeah, I'll tag it, link in, I'll link it on the episode. You know, you get to see some of the things that we do, uh, some of the classes that I teach, some of the interactions that I have with people. Uh stay around and see the magic happen. Come on now.

SPEAKER_00 45:35

And uh, if I were to add a little, you know, piece of advice for those out there since Fab did such a great job of uh the kind words shared for the program and and and the work that I've done. So thank you for that. And uh guys, uh the women in my life, I grew up with mostly women in my life. Uh they're very particular, but they have been going to Fab for more than half my life. I think it's 14 or 15, 15, so we'll be teetering half of my life. And uh, you know, just from the experiences that they've had and just putting people on like from there. And I just feel like, and I've actually sat in on some of those sessions too, like in the hair therapy sessions. Exactly, like the hair therapy session. So I feel like, again, like your authenticity also speaks in those spaces, uh, in that space, because it's not just okay, I'm showing up, your hair is gonna look great. Have a nice day. Uh, the way that you connect with not only like my family, but the people that you work with, and when I've seen you deal with other other clients while like my mom or sister is, you know, are waiting, uh, it just it just speaks a lot to who you are. And you know, this has shown this has been a testament of your journey as well. Because, you know, being a little boy from Brazil and moving to this country and the success that you've been able to um set up for yourself, you know, like it's just and and and it definitely is a mindset shift that you have to take to just keep going. But I just want to give you your flowers as well, man, because I know the journey has been easy and you're at where you're at for a reason. So keep pushing and keep doing your thing. And you really know I'll be supporting my family support, man. So I definitely just want to just want to shout that out. I really appreciate that. Thank you so much. Of course. So thank you guys for tuning in. And as always, no matter which side of the fence you grew up on, we're more alike than we think. Fab, thanks again for coming. Thank you, man. Thank you for having me. Catch you guys next time. Peace. Bye guys, thank you. Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode. If this episode resonated with you, go ahead and follow the podcast so you stay tapped in and show some love with that five star rating. It really goes a long way, so we can continue reaching more people just like yourself. And if you want to see these conversations, pull up on YouTube and check out Middle of the Fence. Appreciate you for tuning in. Time is the most valuable thing we got.