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What it do, what it do, it's your boy Andre Scruol and you're tapped into Middle of the Fence podcast. Today's conversation is one that changed me personally. For a long time, I thought being a good person meant making sure everyone liked me. Avoid the conflict, keep the peace, say yes whenever you can, don't disappoint people. But over time, I realized there's a big difference between being liked and being respected. And sometimes the more you chase approval, the further you drift from the person you're actually meant to become. So today we're talking about people pleasing, boundaries, authenticity, and why earning respect, especially your own, will always take you further than trying to win everyone's approval. If this is something you've ever struggled with, I think this conversation is going to resonate. Let's get into it. What it do, what it do. It's your boy Andre Spruel, and you're tuning in to Middle of the Fence Podcast. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day. Whether you're listening, watching, or both, as I like to say, time is the most valuable thing on this earth because we can spend it, but can't make it back. And if you guys are wondering how committed I am to the podcast, I am currently recording this during game two of the NBA finals, Knicks versus Spurs. That's how you know. I'm not a Knicks fan though. I am a I'm a Nets fan since the Jersey days. So shout out Nets, but I always support the local teams. Let's get into it. Let's talk about something that influences almost every decision we make, but many of us don't realize how much control it has over our lives. And that's the desire to be liked. Because most people want acceptance, most people want approval. Most people want to feel welcomed. Who doesn't? And honestly, there's nothing wrong with that. But the problem starts when being liked becomes more important than being respected. Because while being liked feels good, respect lasts longer. Being liked can make people comfortable, but respect makes people trust you. And those are not always the same thing. See, I think a lot of us spend years trying to avoid letting down people, trying to avoid conflict, trying to avoid rejection, trying to avoid making others uncomfortable, even ourselves. And in the process, we sometimes lose parts of ourselves because the version of you that everyone seems to like may not always be the most authentic version of you. So respect versus being liked started early on while trying to fit in private school. Because that's like something flying. Regardless of whether you grew up in a tough terrain or athlete or background or a little bit of both, you're always trying to see where you fit in, where you belong, especially as a youngster. And while trying to fit in during the private school, I was more concerned with being liked than being myself. And I'm not expecting, you know, oh, if you're like an eight-year-old kid, you should already have a strong understanding of self and what you stand on. I mean, obviously not, unless your father is David Goggins or something like that. But all jokes aside, what was being led, what I was leading with was being liked. Because I was, I already felt like an outsider because I lived in an environment that was night and day different for than most of my classmates. But being liked is what I was going for. And as a result, it was something that I carried through the rest of my life. And as I went through life experiences, I realized that being liked is just not the way to go, you know, and not saying to, you know, be an asshole and not be a be a likable person because I mean I do think that I'm a likable person, you know, but um to the point where you prioritize being liked, uh where you put that at the forefront so much that it actually holds you back from things like job advancements, opportunities, and things of that nature, because someone that garners uh respect will always overtake someone that wants to be liked. One thing that's important to understand is that as human beings, we're wired for a connection. Psychologists have long found that social acceptance plays a huge role in emotional well-being, which makes sense. For most of human history, belonging to a group increased your chances of survival. Being rejected often meant danger. So naturally, most of us develop a desire to be accepted. That's why criticism can sting when we receive it. That's why rejection hurts. Why so many people struggle to say no? Because part of us fears losing connection, even when we know that we're making the right decision. That's the truth. But here's where things get interesting. Being liked and being respected are not the same thing. In fact, sometimes they actually can pull you in opposite directions. Because being liked often comes from making people comfortable, while respect comes from standing on your principles, which is why it's important to understand yourself and what you stand on. Because sometimes being liked means saying yes. Respect sometimes requires saying no. And sometimes being liked means avoiding difficult conversations. You've been there before. While respect sometimes requires having those tough conversations, being liked means keeping everyone happy, keeping the peace, while respect sometimes means disappointing people and letting them down as a result. So think about some of the most influential people in your life. Whether it was a coach, a teacher, a mentor, a parent, chances are there were moments when you didn't necessarily like what they were telling you, but you respected them because you trusted their intentions, you trusted their consistency, you trusted their character. So my biggest thing was definitely being a people pleaser. And as a result, there was moments where saying no just felt uncomfortable. So anytime a family member asked for help with something or just anything in general, I would always say yes. Or if my friends were doing something or one of my friends was having like an outing and I got invited, even though I, you know, can be in a situation where I'm just super tired or just or not up for it because I have other responsibilities that I had to take care of, I would say yes. And obviously, if it's a if it's like a moral dilemma kind of thing of saying yes, yes, and no, um, that's I'm pretty good good with that. But the people pleasing portion was to the point where I was just saying yes to everything. Yes to everything. And when you are someone that operates from that perspective or has operated from that uh perspective, it really drains you and just takes a lot from you because you're so busy pouring into the cups of others that you are not realizing, hey, I want to point to this person's cup, I want to pour into that person's cup, da-da-da-da. And then you look and you realize, oh wow, there's nothing in my fucking cup now, you know? And that's something that I feel like most, I wouldn't say most people, but it's something that a lot of people have experienced. And that also stems from being liked and being uh respected because you realize that, hey, saying no doesn't mean you're a bad person or you know, or anything. It doesn't always mean you don't have to associate no with negativity because that's not always the case. It's more so about setting the boundaries and how you choose to set boundaries and what you stand on are all in alignment with how you view and operate the world. So if you're not clear on that, then it's something that I would definitely recommend looking into for sure. The reality is you can be kind without being a without being a people pleaser, you can be compassionate without abandoning your boundaries, you can be respectful without sacrificing your authenticity. Because boundaries don't make you selfish. In fact, boundaries help define who you are, and people who truly who truly respect you often respect your boundaries too. Because not everyone is going to see eye to eye with you, and that's just the truth. Not everyone is going to understand your decisions, not everyone is going to support your vision, and that's okay because your job isn't to be universally liked, your job is to be genuine, it's to be honest, to live in alignment with your values, and sometimes the people who respect you the most won't always be the people who praise you the loudest. They'll be the people who trust your character, trust your consistency, trust your intentions. And this is something that you find yourself struggling with, because again, this is something that I had to learn, and I deeply, deeply struggled with this one, to be honest with you guys. So a question that can help is what kind of person do you want to be remembered as? Because that question holds so much weight. Because at the end of the day, as human beings, we all know we have an expiration date, and we all obviously want it to be later rather than sooner. But what kind of person do you want to be? And when you think of that and whatever encompasses that with how you live your life and choose to operate in this world, you are most likely going to stem from factors of being respected than being liked. Point blank, period. And again, when people think of oh, someone that's uh respected, it's someone that can be an asshole or just like you know, it's associated in a negative way. But that's not always the case. So, what do you want to be remembered for? So for me personally, I want to be uh remembered for creating a legacy that outlives me and helping out as many people as I possibly can, you know, whether it's through platforms like the podcast or other types of media platforms that I have, or setting up foundations, charities, and things of that nature, uh, or you know, just just just stuff along those lines. But in order to get to those situations, you know, whether you have similar aspirations to myself or just aspirations in general with how you want to be uh remembered for, most of it is gonna be garnered from respect and not always being liked. And again, when it comes to the like to being liked or being uh respected, you can be both. You can be liked and respected at the same time. It's definitely possible. It's not like you have to choose one or the other, but again, when it's being liked to the point where you put yourself on the back burner as a result, I mean, it doesn't take a scientist to realize that you are putting a cap on what you can do in your life and uh achieve in your life as a result. If you stand for something, some people won't like it. If you set boundaries, some people won't like it. If you choose growth, guess what? Some people won't like it. But the goal, again, was never to be liked by everyone because that's impossible. Even God wasn't liked by everybody. The goal is the goal is to become someone you can respect. And the question that I pose to my audience today is what's more important to you today? Staying true to yourself or keeping everyone happy and why? Again, what's more important to you today? Staying true to yourself or keeping everyone happy, and why? Let me know in the comments. Shoot us a message at middle of the fence on Instagram, or just take some time to reflect on it. Thank you guys for tapping into this episode and be sure to subscribe, follow, like, comment, and all that fun stuff when it comes to middle of the fence. It's all linked in the bottom. So as always, no matter what side of the fence you grew up on, we're all more alike than we think. My name is Andre Spruel. Catch you guys next time. Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode. If this episode resonated with you, go ahead and follow the podcast so you stay tapped in and show some love with that five star rating. It really goes a long way so we can continue reaching more people just like yourself. And if you want to see these conversations, pull up on YouTube and check out the middle of the fence. Appreciate you for tuning in. Time is the most valuable thing we got.