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What it do, what it do? It's your boy Andre Spruel and you're tuning in to Middle of the Fence Podcast. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day. Whether you're listening, watching, or both, as I like to say, time is the most valuable thing on this earth because we could spend it but can't make it back. So as always, thank you for your time. Have you ever met someone and within a few seconds felt like you already knew exactly who they were? Maybe it was because of the way that they dressed or the neighborhood that they came from. Or maybe it was the way that they spoke, the car they drove, the job they had, or maybe it was simply a feeling you couldn't quite explain. But here's the truth. We all do it. Every single one of us, regardless of where you come from. Because the question isn't whether we judge people, the real question is why? And even more importantly, why does it cost us when we're wrong? Today I want to explore why our minds make these snap judgments and how they shape the way we see other people, and why choosing curiosity instead of certainty might completely change our relationships. Because, believe it or not, judging people quickly isn't something humans invented recently. It's actually part of how our brains evolved. Because thousands of years ago, making quick decisions helped people survive, friend or enemy, safe or dangerous, stay or leave. Our brains became incredibly efficient at recognizing patterns. And psychologists even have a term called thin slicing. Research by psychologists Nalaney and Boddy found that people often form impressions of others within just seconds of meeting them. And sometimes those impressions capture something real. But many times they're incomplete or flat out wrong. The problem is modern life isn't a survival test, it's a relationship test. And people are far more complex than first impressions. First impressions was something that I held to a very high standard. I felt that if I knew that obviously a first impression when it comes to trying to get a new job or in the sense of, you know, going out on a date or something like that, then it is heightened a little more. Can't act like it's not. But first impressions really don't matter. And I thought that they really used to matter a lot because growing up, my father used to reinforce that constantly. You know, like your first impression is everything, and it's so important to do that. And I believe that he was coming from that perspective, from the sense of because I was in such different social and socioeconomic environments and backgrounds. So I assume that that's the perspective that he was coming from. And if I had a bad first impression in any kind of setting, it would lead me to start to beat myself up mentally to the point where I would start to talk to myself and view myself in a negative light. But as I've gotten older and gone through the experiences that I've gone through in life up until this point and moving forward, I realize, yeah, a first impression holds weight to a certain extent, but it's about the impressions afterwards. Because the flip side can be true too, where you meet someone, great first impression, and then you get more impressions of that person, and it's like, uh, what happened to the first time from meeting them? And I'm sure everyone can relate to that. Think about how often we fill in the missing pieces. You see someone wearing an expensive suit, you might think they're successful. Someone wearing muddy work boots, maybe you think that they didn't go to college. Or someone full of tattoos, someone who's really quiet, someone who's extremely outgoing, someone with a thick accent. Before they've said more than a few words, we've already started writing their story, which is wrong. And psychologists call this confirmation bias, which people are most people are familiar with. Because once we create a first impression, our brains naturally look for evidence that proves we were right. And we tend to ignore evidence that says otherwise. Hmm. That's why first impressions can be so powerful. Because after we've made them, we start collecting proof. This is where it gets interesting, though, because sometimes the greatest opportunities in our lives are hidden behind first impressions, whether it's a friendship, a mentor, a business relationship, and even in love. If we stop at our first impression, we may never discover who someone really is. Now, it's funny because the one relationship in my life that I automatically think about is a relationship that I developed with one of my best friends. Uh I'm gonna I'm gonna say his name for now, but you know, uh his name is AJ, and um I'm actually the godfather of his second child. So shout out. And thank you for supporting the podcast, by the way. Um, but all jokes aside, so I met AJ through a mutual friend, right? A longtime friend that I've known since high school. And when I first met AJ, I didn't take my own advice about not being so quick to judge people. So when I first met him, I thought he was boisterous, kind of annoying, and just doing the most. And it's all stuff that I've told him. So it's not like a grand reveal right now. But as I took the time to hang out with him and get to know him more, like on a one-on-one level, uh, I really got to see the depth behind him, the fact that we were raised similarly, have similar values, and just view the world in a very similar way, despite and having an upbringing that was kind of similar, but yet different. And as a result, the relationship fortified over the last few years, to say the least, to becoming more than just a best friend, becoming family practically. So that's an example, like right then and there. And there's and there's countless ones out there, but that's the one that I really wanted to touch on because if I was quick to judge him off of a first impression, then I would have missed out on the possibility of having a really awesome person and best friend in my life that eventually became family. And another psychological concept for you guys here, which is called the fundamental attribution error, explains that we often assume another person's behavior reflects who they are while giving ourselves grace because we know our own circumstances. So if I'm running late, I know why. But if someone else is running late, maybe I think they're irresponsible. We give ourselves context, but we often deny it to everyone else. So the guests that have been on this podcast, Middle of the Fence, obviously, because you're tuning in. But I I feel that that's a great place to start because you have people that have come on from all different walks of life growing up in different parts of the world, not just the US. And they're and it's a prime example of if you saw some of the guests that have been on the show just walking past on the street, you wouldn't think anything of them. And, you know, and that's not to disrespect anybody, obviously. It's just more so like you probably wouldn't even think twice about thinking about the story that they have and the challenges that that they've had to overcome and the adversity that they've had to face and become victorious over. And that's one thing that also helped me realize the importance of not being so quick to judge others. You know, like you might be judging me because I'm wearing a Philadelphia Eagles t-shirt right now, you know, which I can understand. Uh, but all jokes aside, um we shouldn't be quick to judge anyone because you never know uh what someone has gone through. Um and again, that's why I always end every episode with we're all more alike than we think, because we are much more similar than we are different. So um, even though it's in our nature to make quick, quick decisions as human beings, uh, when it comes to judging others, we should take that extra second to catch ourselves and make sure that we're trying our best not to do that. Every single person has a story that's much bigger than the version we create in our heads. Curiosity creates connection. Judgment creates distance. That doesn't mean we ignore red flags, it doesn't mean we stop using wisdom, but it does mean giving people enough space to become more than our first impression of them. Because frankly, chances are someone has probably misjudged you before too, regardless of where you come from. And if you ever wanted someone to look beyond your first impression, maybe the best place to start is by doing the same for someone else. And the question that I pose for my audience today is what's one time someone completely changed what you thought about them after getting to know them? Again, what's one time someone completely changed what you thought about them after getting to know them? Let me know in the comments, shoot us a message, or just take some time to really ponder on that. And before we go, I want to leave you with this. First impressions are inevitable, final impressions are a choice. Thank you guys for tuning in to this episode, and as I always end each episode with, no matter which side of the fence you grew up on, we're more like than we think. My name is Andre Sproul. Catch you guys next time. Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode. If this episode resonated with you, go ahead and follow the podcast so you stay tapped in and show some love with that five-star rating. It really goes a long way so we can continue reaching more people just like yourself. And if you want to see these conversations, pull up on YouTube and check out Middle of the Fence. Appreciate you for tuning in. Time is the most valuable thing we got.