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What it do, what it do, it's your boy Andrew Sproul and you're tapped into Middle of the Fence Podcast. Before we get started, I want you to think about someone in your life who sees the world differently than you do. Maybe it's a family member, a friend, a coworker, or someone you care about deeply. Someone whose political views, religious beliefs, values, or perspectives are very different from your own. Now here's the question. Can you genuinely love someone you disagree with? Because if we're being honest, disagreement feels harder than ever these days. People stop talking, friendships fall apart, families become divided, and sometimes it feels like we're expected to choose between our beliefs and our relationships. But what if understanding and agreement aren't the same thing? What if respecting someone doesn't require thinking exactly like them? And what if the most important skill we can develop is learning how to stay connected to people who see the world differently than we do? That's what we're exploring in today's episode. So whether you struggle to maintain a relationship across differences, find yourself avoiding difficult conversations, or simply want to be better at understanding the people around you. I hope this conversation gives you something to think about. Let's get into it. What it do, what it do? It's your boy Andre Sprue, and you're tapping into Middle of Defense Podcast. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day. Whether you're listening, watching, or both, as I like to say, time is the most valuable thing on this earth because we can spend it, but can't make it back. So as always, thank you for your time. It feels like we're living in a time where disagreement has become increasingly difficult. A different political opinion, a different religious belief, a different perspective on social issues, a different lifestyle, and suddenly people stop talking. Friendships end, family relationships become strained, people block each other, unfollow each other, avoid one another, and it raises a question I've been thinking a lot about lately. Can you genuinely love someone you disagree with? Not someone you disagree with about pizza toppings. Pineapple does not belong on pizza or what movie is best, but someone whose beliefs are fundamentally different from your own. Because if we're being honest for a quick second, most of us have people like that in our lives, whether it's family members, friends, co-workers, neighbors, people we care about, people who see the world much differently than we do, to say the least. One reason disagreement feels so difficult is because our beliefs often become connected to our identity. And psychologists sometimes refer to this as identity protective thinking. So when people strongly identify with a belief, criticism of that belief can feel like criticism of them personally, which means disagreements become very emotional, not just intellectual. And once emotions become involved, conversations can often become a lot more difficult as a result. So this topic really hits home because nothing screams navigating two different two or more worlds at the same time than disagreeing with people. And one of the earliest forms of it, especially in high school, because when I was in in high school, I won't tell the years, but you can do the math after knowing my age. Uh one of the things was the political beliefs that people held. Because going to a private school, um, the political beliefs varied heavily, right? Where the environment that I grew up in between the two parties that we have here in this country, it was mostly, it's mostly Democrats, uh, where I grew up in the tough terrain. But when you go on the Alpha Nacre side, uh it's uh 50-50 because it is New Jersey, but you know, you still have some like uh Republicans in there as well. And um, you know, I just that was that was one of like the earliest, like, hey, you know, I don't see eye to eye with you on this. And as a result, if anyone affiliated with a certain party, then it was like, okay, I cannot even associate with them in any kind of way, right? And I'll be honest, like, I've grown up democratic most of my life. I'm not a Republican, I'm not a Democrat. Uh, I don't believe in how we operate as a government. That's topic for another day. So because I grew up uh leaning towards the democratic values and still do for the most part, uh, if anyone was a Republican, it was like, ugh, I can't even deal with them. But as I've gotten older, I realized that not everyone is on the super deep end of things when it comes to the political party of their choice, right? Like there's people that that you can genuinely reason with that actually give valid facts and not just made-up figures. And there's people that, hey, you know, they may have a different political belief than you, let's say, but they actually are very, very kind and treat others the way that you do, and actually may have had a similar experience to the one that you had growing up as well. You know, again, it's up to you to uh decipher, but I feel like that is one of the biggest things from the time I was a youngster up until now that I've learned, like I've met people that have different political beliefs, different views on social matters, but even though I don't see eye to eye on them on some matters with certain people, um, they're actually decent human beings. I'm not saying all of them, but for the most part, you can still find similarities and things like that with people that you don't see eye to eye on when it comes to certain issues. One of the most important lessons I've learned in my young life is that understanding and agreement are not the same thing. You can understand why someone believes something without believing it yourself. You can understand someone's experiences without sharing their conclusions, and you can understand someone's perspective without adopting it, and I think that many people generally struggle with this uh uh distinction because we often assume that listening means agreeing or that empathy means endorsement, but it doesn't. Understanding simply means making an effort to see how someone arrived at their perspective. Research also shows that perspective taking has consistently found that when people generally attempt to understand opposing viewpoints, hostility often decreases, even when the opinions don't change, and that's important. Why? Because the goal of every conversation shouldn't be to agree with one another. Sometimes the goal is simply understanding when it comes to respecting people, regardless of the differences that you may have, one of the best things that you can do, and I'm gonna be very frank with you guys, is just shut the fuck up and listen. That's it, right? Because again, when we talk like if someone comes for us about something that we hold near and dear to our heart because the viewpoint that we have, uh, whatever the matter may be, is tied to our identity. So whenever we feel like we're getting attacked because of that, we start to go into uh defense mode and start to stand up for ourselves and not let the other person get their point across in any kind of way. Again, if someone is coming off in a disrespectful way, that's completely different and changes the narrative and conversation entirely. But I really think the best thing that you can do is just be quiet and listen and just hear the person out. And listening is an underrated skill, especially in today's day and age. So I feel like that's one thing that you can do where it's like, hey, you know, like again, not everyone is so unreasonable with a viewpoint that differs very further than what you may see it, right? But if you just take the time to just listen and hear the person now, it can actually help challenge and change your perspective in a positive way. And then it can lead to um a constructive conversation and then allows you to expand your mindset and not have it be so limited. That said, I also want to acknowledge something important. Not every disagreement should be ignored, not every relationship can survive every difference, and not every situation calls for endless compromise. There's a difference between disagreement and disrespect. Healthy disagreement allows people to remain human toward one another, human toward one another, people, while disrespect strips away that humanity. That's why boundaries matter, self-respect matters, protecting your peace matters, and I don't think loving someone means accepting harmful behavior. What I do think is that many relationships become stronger when people learn how to disagree respectfully, because eventually every meaningful relationship will encounter differences, regardless of the type of relationship that it is, different opinions, different priorities, different experiences, and different worldviews, right? And if agreement becomes the requirement for connection, guess what? Most relationships won't survive. So when it came, so when it comes to disagreements, growing up, I avoided it at all costs in any manner, because I'm like, let me let me just keep the peace, brother, and just that's it. But you can't operate life like that. It is just if if we could and if there is a way, I would be the first in line to be there to make that happen. But we can't, unfortunately. But with time, I realized that disagreements aren't always a bad thing or negative. Now I actually view it as something to embrace, right? Whether the disagreement comes up in a romantic relationship, in a friendship with family members, a coworker, a random that you overheard talking on the uh street, you know, whatever the case may be. But disagreements can be positive from the sense of, again, taking the time to hear the person out and what they have to say, and then giving yourself the opportunity to clearly express your thoughts and feelings towards the matter that's at hand. And again, disagreements also allow for deeper understanding, and when there's deeper understanding, it leads to a deeper connection. So all disagreements are not bad. And I feel like one thing that if that's something that you struggle with because you viewed like disagreements as a negative thing, um, flip flip the switch and view it as an opportunity to grow and learn because disagreements are unavoidable, like they are bound to happen in all relationships in all aspects of your life at one point or uh or another, as long as you're here on earth. One thing hosting middle of the fence has taught me is that human beings are often much more complicated than the labels we assign to them. The more conversations I've had on the podcast and outside of it, the harder it becomes to reduce people to a single belief or a single opinion or a single disagreement because behind every perspective there's a story, there's an experience, there's a reason. And while understanding that reason doesn't mean you'll uh agree with it, it might help you see the person that's behind it. And maybe that's where connection really begins. Not with agreement, but simply with understanding. And if you've ever maintained a meaningful relationship with someone who saw the world much differently than you have, I would love to hear what helped that relationship work. Because that's something that I've learned as I've gotten older. Because in a world that constantly encourages division, learning how to stay connected may be one of the most important skills we can develop. So the question that I pose for my audience for today's episode is what's a belief you've disagreed with, but still respected the person who held it? Again, what's a belief you've disagreed with, but still respected the person who held it? So let me know in the comments. Shoot us a message on Instagram at middle of the fence. You can even email us if you want, or just take some time to ponder on it. Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode. And as I always like to end each episode with no matter which side of the fence you grew up on, we're more like than we think. My name is Andre Sproul. Catch you guys next time. Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode. If this episode resonated with you, go ahead and follow the podcast so you stay tapped in and show some love with that five star rating. It really goes a long way so we can continue reaching more people just like yourself. And if you want to see these conversations, pull up on YouTube and check out Middle of the Fence. I appreciate you for tuning in. Time is the most valuable thing we got.