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What it do, what it do? It's your boy Andrew Spruel, and you're tapped into middle of the fence podcast. Now, today's episode is one that I think a lot of people will deeply relate to. Especially if you've ever felt misunderstood, emotionally divided, or like you became a different version of yourself depending on the environment you were in. Because whether people realize it or not, the environments we grew up in shape almost every relationship in our lives. They shape how we communicate, how we trust, how we express emotion, how we handle conflict, how we define success, and even how safe we feel being vulnerable around other people. In this episode, we're discussing how environment shapes relationships across friendships, family, dating, networking, mentorship, and community. Let's get into it. What it do? What it do? It's your boy Andre Spruel, and you are tuning in to Middle of the Fence Podcast. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day. Whether you're listening, watching, or both, as I like to say, time is the most valuable thing on this earth because we can spend it, but can't make it back. So as always, thank you for your time. Let's talk about something that affects almost every relationship in our lives. But people don't always recognize it in real time. And that's environment. Because the environments we grew up in shape how we communicate. It shapes how we trust, how we express emotion, how we handle conflict, how we build relationships, how we connect with people, and even how safe we feel being vulnerable. And honestly, I think a lot of relationship tension isn't caused by bad intentions. It can actually be caused by different types of conditioning. Because two people generally can care about one another and yet still struggle to understand each other because life has shaped them differently. And this applies to all relationship types friendships, family, co-workers, networking, mentorship, romantic relationships, and community. All of it. See, because some people grew up in environments where emotional expression was encouraged, while other people grew up learning survival. Some people were taught to openly communicate. Other people learn to suppress emotion because vulnerability felt unsafe. And those differences don't disappear once we become adults. They follow us into relationships. When it comes to learning how to survive emotionally, you know, that's something that is learned, but not necessarily how to communicate emotionally in relationships, depending on your environment. And this was something that, you know, I feel like most people either learn way later in life or is something that they actually never get to learn. You know, I've spoken about it on previous episodes, but I tend I tended to be someone that used to bottle up the emotions that I had in order to maintain the peace within the relationships in my life, you know, whether it was family, friendships, or peers that I interacted with. You know, even if it's something that bothered me to my core, you know, and it's something that I've like deep down I knew I had to speak up about, I didn't have the courage to do so. And as a result, it would just fester and build up. And when you're someone that is like that while also operating from the perspective of being a kind person, that eventually led to, you know, blow-ups. And I'm not saying I had like, you know, super angry episodes, you know, where I just like blacked out out of anger or anything like that. But you tend to start to build resentment towards people that may necessarily have that same resentment towards you. And you just, you know, communicating just goes a long way. But when it comes to the emotional aspect, there's so many factors, you know. Obviously the environment that you grew up in plays a primary factor, you know. If you're a male, that plays a factor. If, you know, based off of your cultural upbringing, you know, that could be a factor. So there's a lot of factors that go into play with that. But the emotional communication uh when it comes to the environment shaping your relationships is definitely a big factor that everyone has to work through in life, I feel like, unless they are one of the few people that were brought up in an environment that gave them the safe space to do so. And I think one of the biggest examples of this is actually friendship. Because for people who grew up between different worlds, eventually you realize different environments create different mindsets, different priorities, different communication styles, different lifestyles, and even different definitions of success. And sometimes you start feeling like a different version of yourself depending on which friend group you're around. And if you felt like that before, let me know in the comments. Because you code switch, you adjust your humor, you adjust your language, you adjust your energy, you adjust how vulnerable you allow yourself to be constantly adjusting, adjusting, adjusting, adjusting. And after a while, that becomes emotionally exhausting. Because eventually you start asking, which version of me is actually me? And this is one of the hidden emotional struggles of growing up while navigating different environments, because growth can create distance. Not necessarily because people hate each other or anything like that, but because life starts shaping people differently, and that's just the reality. And even research shows that social environments heavily influence emotional development, communication patterns, and relationship behaviors, which makes sense, honestly, because as human beings, we adapt to whatever environment that we spend the most time in. Point blank period. And those adaptations eventually become habits. So the pressure to succeed, you know, again, how that looked like from a tough terrain versus affluent acres perspective. So from the tough terrain side of things, the pressure to succeed is the pressure to quote unquote make it out, you know, to be the one that gets your family out of the situation that they've been trapped in for generations of living in the same neighborhood and home forever, you know, and being the one to make it big by having a super break a super big big breakthrough career-wise, or, you know, being the first one to graduate college and get a job that you know you're making pretty good money, however you define that, obviously. You know, so there's a pressure to succeed from that standpoint from the tough terrain type of environment. On the flip side, from the affluent acres perspective, it just felt like growing up just playing catch up, you know, because obviously because of certain advantages that people growing up on the affluent acres have compared to those that don't, you know, it's more often than not, most of the people that have that type of upbringing are able to hit the milestones sooner, I would say. And I'm saying and I'm not saying that that that that's the case for everyone that comes from a suburban background, that everyone is spoon-fed and privileged, because that's not the case, you know, but it it it did feel like, okay, you know, like this person got a home already, this person already got the type of job that I wanted, this person, you know, was already hitting milestones. And the problem with that right there is comparing yourself, you know, and again, at the end of the day, your journey is your journey. And you have to work through your own things, regardless of how you grew up, and you can hold on to stories and blame whatever you want, but at the end of the day, you're accountable for the life that you want to live. So, you know, when it comes to that pressure to succeed, the best thing to do is just uh, you know, do what you feel is best to make sure you live a happy and successful life, and you define that by your own terms. I also think family relationships become really interesting during periods of growth, right? Because sometimes the more your perspective changes, the harder it becomes for certain people to fully understand your vision. Especially if your path looks quite different from what your environment traditionally expected. What do I mean by that? For example, career choices, lifestyle changes, creative ambitions, social circles, personal growth, and everything else that falls into that category. And it's because a large number of people experience guilt during growth. Because sometimes improving your life unintentionally changes your relationships. And there's also the socioeconomic side of relationships, too, because money and environment influence experiences more than what people realize. And I'm not just talking financially here, but emotionally and socially as well, because different environments teach people different unwritten rules, like how to communicate professionally, how to network, how to express confidence, how to handle conflict, how to view success, how to view stability, how to view ambition. And sometimes two people are speaking the same language verbally, but completely different languages experientially. And I think this is why so many people who grow up between worlds struggle so much with belonging, because they become socially adaptable, but emotionally feel divided. And being able to fit into many spaces, but not always feeling fully connected in any of them. So this is something that I haven't spoken about um in any uh previous episodes, but the one thing with environment shaping relationships that was a big struggle as I was going through a major part of my personal growth and evolution phase was the lonely chapter. And you hear like really rich, successful people talk about it, but the lonely chapter, what that looks like is when you're so committed to your growth and evolution that you are literally saying no to what society seems, you know, deems as normal or what you should be doing. What I mean by that is there was a point where I just had a hard look at myself and was like, all right, I really want to do better because waking up, going to work, coming home, eating dinner, going to sleep, and repeating that is just not cutting it and is not adding any purpose or value to my life. So I started working on habits and trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. And because of that, there was a lonely chapter, you know, and I had multiple lonely lonely chapters. Word to a con. Lonely and Mr. Lonely. But all jokes aside, you know, it's like, hey, from for like a year straight, for example, I didn't I wasn't going out on dates. I was turning down a lot of social situations to go out with my friends to be doing the same type of stuff that I was doing year in and year out because I was really committed on making the changes that I wanted in my life, you know, and as a result, there were certain relationships that strengthened, that fell apart, you know. But it's it's a process that I challenge anyone that hasn't undergone it to do that. And I and I'm not saying push away everyone close to you and you know, be on your own so much to the point where you're just neglecting everybody around you. But when you do have that lonely chapter, you tend to find out a lot about yourself because it's just you and your thoughts and your trauma and what you feel like you need to work through in order to become a better person on the other side of that and continue that growth and evolution process regardless of your environment. And honestly, I think one of the biggest signs of maturity is learning how to understand people without immediately judging their differences, which is hard for us to do for the most part. Because again, every environment teaches people something different about survival, connection, trust, and identity. And that doesn't excuse toxic behavior, obviously, but it does create perspective. And I think healthy relationships require curiosity, not just compatibility. Curiosity about why people think the way they do, why they communicate differently, why certain experiences shape them emotionally. Because the strongest relationships are usually built by people willing to understand each other's world, not just their personality. And growing up between two worlds can sometimes feel lonely because eventually you stop relating to certain old environments but don't fully feel established in new ones yet either. And that middle space can feel emotionally confusing, but that middle space also does create perspective, perspective that allows you to connect with people from many different walks of life. And the question that I pose to my audience today is have you ever felt like your environment changed the way you connect with people? Again, have you ever felt like your environment changed the way you connect with people? Let me know in the comments, shoot us a message, or just take some time to ponder on it and reflect. Thank you so much for tapping into this episode. And if you like this episode, please be sure to like, subscribe, and follow across YouTube and your favorite podcast streaming platforms. And as always, no matter what side of the fence you grew up on, we're all more alike than we think. My name is Andre Sproul. Catch you guys next time. If this episode resonated with you, go ahead and follow the podcast so you stay tapped in and show some love with that five-star rating. It really goes a long way so we can continue reaching more people just like yourself. And if you want to see these conversations, pull up on YouTube and check out Middle of the Fence. Appreciate you for tuning in. Time is the most valuable thing we got.