You generally mean well and you generally want to help as many people as you possibly can. Right. But even though it's your identity and who you are, you know, when it comes to this aspect of being that bridge, sometimes it really is just best to let it go. What it do, what it do? It's your boy Andre Spruel, and you are tuning in to Middle of the Fence Podcast. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day. Whether you're you're listening, watching, or both, as I like to say, time is the most valuable thing on this earth because we can spend it, we can't make it back. So, as always, thank you for your time. And if you ever grew up between two worlds, chances are you became the translator. And I'm not talking about a literal translator if you uh grew up with non-English speaking family members. And not because you asked to, but because you were the only one who could. But who translates for you? So today's episode is about the pressure to be the bridge. And when you grow up navigating two worlds simultaneously, um, you tend to be able to see things from multiple uh perspectives and build empathy, and as a result, end up being the liaison or glue per se in a lot of situations that happen in life, whether it's from a family dynamic or whether it's from a professional or workspace dynamic. So this episode will delve a little more into that and how exactly that looks and feels like. So let's talk about how this role becomes, right? So it happens when you understand how to speak in professional spaces, right? So how does it show up in professional spaces? It shows up by being the voice for someone who's afraid to speak up in a uh professional setting. And you know, let's say you have a higher up that you're not too fond of, right? Uh you learn how to, you know, maybe step it back or just have that calm, cool, collected personality because you know that certain things that you say or how you act can just throw things off. So it's like you mold yourself into how you have to in order to get along with whoever it may be in your workspace, regardless of what position that they're in. Right. And this also happens when you understand how to navigate survival spaces and when you see both perspectives clearly. And I wanted to touch on the role strain theory because this was from Good in 1960. And it's the difficulty in fulfilling multiple role obligations at once, right? So when you have that pressure to be that bridge and however it may look like in your personal life, you tend to add unnecessary stress and just, you know, start to take on other people's problems as a result, where sometimes you have to sit back and think, you know, yes, I am trying to put my best foot forward. I'm trying to make everyone happy and be operating as best as possible, right? But, you know, sometimes it really, you know, you have to ask yourself, is it is it best for me to just, you know, not do that because of all the unwanted um, you know, energy that it's you know draining me of and all these added problems that are being put on my plate when there's already enough on it. So just something to think about with that. So you become the explainer, the mediator, and the one who gets it, right? But here's a part no one acknowledges being the bridge means you soften conversations, you rephrase harsh truths, you defend people in rooms they're not in, you absorb tension so others don't have to. So with the with this uh emotional labor aspect of it, right? It's kind of what I touched on before, where you start to just take on other people's problems as a result of that, you know, and not saying that it's a bad thing to want to help others and make a space just better, you know, overall. But sometimes what happens is even if you have the best intentions and you genuinely mean well with what you're trying to do may not be the best case, right? Because at the end of the day, we all have our own journeys and our own lives that we're navigating on a daily basis, right? And sometimes certain fights or certain things that people have to go through in their personal life are theirs to deal with. It's theirs to deal with, whether, again, if it shows up in a professional setting or whether it shows up in a personal setting through family members, a romantic partner, or whatever the case like may be, a friend of a friend, you know, and just feeling that need to be that bridge. But sometimes it really is as simple as like, hey, I can only do but but so much, you know, and all I can do is love and support. And sometimes, again, that love and support means just taking a step back and letting that person or group of people figure it out on their own because you can't always try to fix other people's problems as a result. And eventually it becomes part of your identity. You become the mature one, the composed one, the balanced one. But internally, you're exhausted, you're tired, right? Because bridges don't get to collapse. They're they're expected to hold weight. And the stereotype threat, which comes from Steele's and Aronson's 1995 study, uh, where research shows that stereotype threat can depress performance simply because you're aware of how you're being perceived. And again, once it becomes an identity of yours to be to be the bridge and be the fixer in those situations, you really have to ask yourself, again, is it your weight to even carry in the first place? And when you're operating from that, from that space, when you know, let's say you grew up in an like an urban type of environment, or you grew up in not the best family situation, or you know, just uh any type of unfavorable like just uh situation, right? What can happen is that you learn this type of thing from an early age and you don't even realize that you're doing it, you know. So then you have a moment of realization that happens, or you start going to therapy where it starts to get highlighted for you, right? Uh for me personally, this was an identity that I've had my whole life. My whole life, you know, because again, growing up in a multi-generational home and mostly with my Argentinian side of the family, had some really passionate family members that let you know how it is and did not shy from backing down and any type of, you know, confrontation or anything like that. So part of my identity growing up was being that bridge for my family anytime tensions, you know, arised or got really, really high, right? So um it's something that I just took on as a as a kid, which also showed up during my teenage years by being the bridge between different friend groups and people at school and the sports teams that I was on, and then, you know, beyond in life as well. And the moment that made me realize it was, you know, in my mid to late 20s, so not too long ago at the time of uh recording, of course, uh, when I started doing therapy with my siblings and my mom, you know, and it got highlighted to me that, you know, being that bridge was a form of being a people pleaser, which is a topic that I've discussed and um and have had guests on that have discussed that as well. And it's something that it's a hard truth to swallow, I feel like, especially if it's something that relates to you and your story, because you generally mean well and you generally want to help as many people as you possibly can. Right? But even though it's your identity and who you are, you know, when it comes to this aspect of being that bridge, sometimes it really is just best to let it go and take your own path. Maybe the lesson is isn't to stop being the bridge. It's to choose when to cross. You don't have to educate everyone, defend everything, explain your entire culture or background, be the spokesperson for both sides. Sometimes growth means letting people misunderstand you. And that's why it's important to, you know, when if you are in this in this space or have gotten out of it, then you know that setting boundaries is the biggest way to do that. And how you set your boundaries and how you like uh determine and uh define that is totally up to you and based off of your background and your personal experiences in life, and I'll just leave it at that for you guys. You can connect two worlds without carrying both of them on your back. And here's a question that I pose for the audience tuning in today. Have you ever felt responsible for holding two different environments together? Again, have you ever felt responsible for holding two different environments together? If so, leave a comment, shoot us a message, or just take some time to think about that. And thank you guys for tuning in to today's episode. And as I always say, no matter which side of the fence you grew up on, we're all more alike than we think. My name is Andre Spruel. Catch you guys next time.